I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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