He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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