whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
