When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
