Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
