You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
