u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
