there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
