my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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