just come out here and I will go home with you...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
