also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
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the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
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Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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