I seem to have left my pride at pride
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
