I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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