my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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