fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
