Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
