oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize