i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
