I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
