is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
