I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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