Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I AM VODKA MAN
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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