sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
