remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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