that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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