Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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