Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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