i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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