i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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