i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
