Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
