Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
