if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
