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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
