just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
