someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize