in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize