The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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