Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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