i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
