and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
