i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
