I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
