i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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