it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
