so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
