I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
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