im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
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