First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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