I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
