I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
