fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
