i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
