last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
