Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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