i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
