the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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