I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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