I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Randomize
