today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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