can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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