I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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