but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
