how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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