There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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