These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
