saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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