I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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