My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
