do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
