i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
