Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
