When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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