It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
