why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
